omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
