I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
