i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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