I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It's Friday. Sex?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
