At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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