And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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