no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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