whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's never too late to be topless.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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