Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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