this beer tastes like vomit already
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
