I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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