How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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