So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
