never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
