Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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