I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
