What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
