Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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