I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize