I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just cropdusted the office
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
