At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
