I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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