im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
