No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
