i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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