I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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