The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
