loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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