you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
