even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
