I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
