she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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