so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You're like the curious george of whores
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
where are my eyebrows?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
