Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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