Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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