If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
