When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
