i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
