THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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