WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
