I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
