I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
