U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
