I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
