She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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