porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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