Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
