fuck your aforementioned shoe
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
