we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
