Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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